Flirting With Death
by Masquerade
Summary: COMPLETE! Aku makes a deal with a rebellious henchwoman, and now the two are trying to break each other with torture methods. Who will crack first?
1. The Bet

Flirting With Death - A Short Series of Aku Stories  
  
---------------------------  
  
It was a same, old day in Aku's tower of evil.  
  
Inside the tower was the same, old frustration.  
  
On the view monitor was the same, old Samurai Jack foiling Aku's same, old plans to destroy him.  
  
Rather than be frustrated.........  
  
......Aku was bored.  
  
"Like clockwork," he muttered to himself, "I send a henchman to destroy Samurai Jack, even when he's my best, and he defeats them all like they were amateures. Hmmm....... Who should I send next?"  
  
He looked toward the Employee Entrance in the Pit of Hate, and noticed a lot of onlookers duck out of view. Aku frowned, then thought out loud.  
  
"What I need is someone with cunning, with courage, with a superior fighting style....... no, tried that already........ how about......"  
  
A wicked thought formed in Aku's head, and his green lips turned up slowly in a sly grin.  
  
"Yeeeees...... Instead of fighting the samurai..... I could have him tortured instead.... I can break his will in through physical and esspecially mental TORTURE! He will give up his quest to go back in time, and he'll be easy prey for anyone who wants to kill him! YES, YES, YES! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"  
  
The henchmen were peaking through the doorway again.  
  
"But, we can't do any of that...." one complained.  
  
"I think I know one guy who can, but....." another thought.  
  
All the henchmen looked at him, making the second nervous.  
  
"Well, I think Aku-sama is talking about....."  
  
"AND!" Aku shouted into his own chamber. "I know just the person for this job!"  
  
The henchmen held their breath as Aku made a dramatic pause before announcing.  
  
"From the lowest depths of the Pit of Hate......I summon my master torturer.......RANCOR!"  
  
The henchmen shuddered, while the second one just shook his head.  
  
There was a pause. Aku looked down the pit in confusion. All his henchmen came when he summoned them. Where was Rancor?  
  
"I SUMMON, RANCOR!" Aku shouted again.  
  
And again, no responce.  
  
Aku frowned.  
  
"Hey!" he shouted down the pit. "Rancor!"  
  
"What?!" a reply snapped from the pit.  
  
"Get up here!"  
  
"What for?! I'm busy!"  
  
Aku's frowned deeper.  
  
"Take a break, and get up here!"  
  
"Oh, alright......geez....."  
  
It took a moment, but a very small figure was jumping from firey branch to firey branch before reaching a spot level to Aku's eyes.  
  
Rancor was very different from the other henchmen. For starters, Rancor was a young woman. She had short purple hair with white highlights, onyx black eyes, and deep red skin. She wore a leather tank top, and black jeans. Ankle length boots were on her feet.  
  
Another trait that made her different from the other henchmen: she was human.  
  
"Rancor...." Aku begain, raising himself higher than her, "she who mans my torture chambers in the pit of hate......"  
  
"It wouldn't hurt to pay me once in a while....."  
  
"WHAT WAS THAT?!"  
  
Rancor smiled.  
  
"I said 'You flatter me so, Aku. Do go on.' "  
  
Aku let it drop, and continued.  
  
"......you know the limitations of the body and the mind......you know how to inflict great pain in all forms of life.......you are among my most intelligent of fighters....."  
  
Rancor blushed slightly.  
  
"Oh, stop." she waved her hand at him.  
  
But Aku didn't stop there. He continued to describe her.  
  
"......and when fighting, you are merciless......you are also of my quickest fighters, sacreficing strength for speed........you also think quickly in battle than most of my henchmen.........dare I add you are also the most attractive of my fighters....."  
  
"No, I'm not marrying you, Aku." Rancor shook her head.  
  
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I BROUGHT YOU UP HERE FOR!"  
  
"So, what did you bring me up here for?!"  
  
Aku grinned at her.  
  
"Would you like another man to torture?"  
  
"Yes." Rancor smiled.  
  
"Another man to break and torment?!"  
  
"Yes...."  
  
"Another soul to cause pain and suffering?!"  
  
"Yes...yes...."  
  
"Another mind to inflict horrible mental damage....."  
  
"Yes, yes......"  
  
"Another paycheck on Tuesday?"  
  
"YES, YES, YES!"  
  
Aku grinned.  
  
"Then use your talents to destroy Samurai Jack!"  
  
".....no...."  
  
Aku's flaming eyes went out in shock!  
  
"........."  
  
All the henchmen started laughing, and promptly shut up and disapeared when Aku glared in thier direction. Aku turned back to Rancor, who was fascinated in some dirt under her fingernails.  
  
"All my henchmen obey every command I give them. But, you, Rancor.......why do you refuse to answer me?"  
  
She looked at him through half open eyes.  
  
"Listen, I'll obey you, Aku. I'll torture anyone you throw down the pit. I'll break the most brilliant minds to give you information. I'll bring you back the Scottsman if you ask. But not Jack.......I'm not going after Samurai Jack."  
  
"Aaaaand......why not? Tell me....."  
  
Rancor put her hands on her hips.  
  
"Because I'll get my butt kicked just like everyone else." She looked down at the employee's entrance, and noticed everyone flinch and disapear from view. "They all fought Jack, they all failed, and you threw them all in my torture chamber where they learned their lesson. What's the point in going if I'm going to get whooped like everyone else?"  
  
"But you won't fail!"  
  
"Yes, I will."  
  
"But you are among my best!"  
  
"So was Demongo, and look what happened to him."  
  
Aku frowned.  
  
"Don't remind me. Now, go after Samurai Jack."  
  
"Or else what?"  
  
The henchmen winced.  
  
"She's in for it." one whispered.  
  
"She's flirting with death, talking to Aku-sama like that..." the second noted.  
  
And sure enough, Aku was getting frustrated.  
  
"Or else......I shall torture you myself."  
  
Rancor laughed a little.  
  
"Torture your star torturer? I'd like to see you try."  
  
Aku reached his hand out to smash her into the platform. She ducked away, jumping onto another platform. Aku continued to swipe and smash his hand down at her, but she continued to dodge him with little effort. She started jumping away so fast that Aku lost sight of her. As he looked for her, she heard her laugh.  
  
"I just had a thought." Rancor announced from somewhere above. "Why torture Samurai Jack when I could have fun torturing you?"  
  
Aku shape-shifted into a bird, and flew up until he found Rancor. She was hanging onto a branch by her knees, arms crossed on her chest in confidence.  
  
"Torture me? The great and unbreakable Aku?!"  
  
Rancor smiled very wide.  
  
"Well, there was one time I caught you in the bathtub...."  
  
Aku went into shock again, then Rancor continued.  
  
"......you transformed into the cutest, little rubber duck. I got a picture of you."  
  
"YOU!" Aku roared, diving for her. She let herself fall from the platform to a much lower one which she grabbed with her hands.  
  
"And there was another time," she called up to him, "you were sleeping in bed." She started laughing at the memory. "It's bad enough I caught you sucking your thumb...."  
  
Aku transformed into a fierce looking panther......  
  
".....but then you turned into a precious little teddy bear...." Rancor grinned. "I forgot to take a picture of that....."  
  
Aku pounced for her, but she again jumped out of the way. Aku snarled at her.  
  
"This isn't torture, this is blackmail."  
  
"Here's where the torture part comes in." Rancor smiled, turning back to the employee's henchmen. "One thousand googleplex to the guy who brings me a picture of Aku the teddy bear!"  
  
The henchmen started cheering and aplauding.......  
  
.....then they ran for cover as Aku fired his eye lazors at them.  
  
"GRAAAAAA!" Aku roared, changing back into his normal form.  
  
"This is the kind of torture I like." Rancor nodded.  
  
"So, go do it to Samurai Jack!"  
  
"No." she shook her head. "No matter what I do, he'll somehow manage to whoop my butt like the others."  
  
Before Aku could say anything else, a lightbulb turned on just above Rancor's head......  
  
........and she got a great idea.  
  
"Well......." she said, "I could be perswaded to go after the Samurai......"  
  
"Oh?" Aku asked in curiosity.  
  
".........after you make a bet with me."  
  
"A bet? What kind of bet?"  
  
Rancor walked to the end of her platform, and held her arms out wide.  
  
"Torture me, Aku! I dare you to do your worst! If I cry for mercy, I'll go get that samurai of yours."  
  
Aku laughed triumphantly.  
  
"HA! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! And that's all it takes?! I'll have you crying for your mommy before sundown."  
  
"I promise you, it won't be easy." Rancor shook her head. "But, there's a catch."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Once you've done the worst you can do, completely out of ideas, and I'm still not broken........ I'll forget about the samurai and torture you instead, deep within the torture chambers of mine."  
  
"Ha!" Aku snorted. "I've seen what you can do in those dark chambers, and I can withstand all your trials."  
  
"Oh, then you haven't even scratched the surface of what I can do." she grinned. "So, is the bet on?"  
  
Aku grinned.  
  
"Yes."  
  
They, shook hands.......  
  
.......then Aku swirled into a vortex, pulling Rancor in with him.  
  
They disapeared, leaving the henchmen whispering.  
  
"What do you think will happen?"  
  
"I dunno. Tough call."  
  
"Maybe Rancor will break under Aku's methods......"  
  
"Maybe Rancor will win......but what will she do to Aku......"  
  
"And where can we get good seats to watch?!"  
  
----------------------  
  
TO BE CONTINUED! 


	2. Survival Horror

Flirting With Death - Chapter 2  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Rancor soon found herself in front of a giant, old mansion in the dark of night.  
  
She frowned, not quite seeing where this was going.  
  
"So, where's the torture?"  
  
"Inside." Aku's voice coached. He was somewhere Rancor couldn't see him. "I'll give you two hours to make it to the back door in this house. If you can't, I win the bet."  
  
Rancor's frowned turned deeper.  
  
"That's it?! I still don't see where this is going......"  
  
"Why don't you go in and see for yourself, Rancor?!"  
  
"I think I will."  
  
Rancor distinctly heard Aku snickering as she headed up to the giant doors. The doors opened for her, and she walked right in. Just as she got through the threshold, the doors slammed, leaving her in darkness.  
  
She sighed, reaching into a pocket in her jeans and took out a matchbox.  
  
"Now how could going from one end of the house to the other be torture?"  
  
She struck the match against the box...........  
  
.............and noticed that she was surrounded by fifty or more zombies.........  
  
She paused, blinking.......  
  
"I think I'm beginning to see......."  
  
One zombie leaned its rotting head foreword, and blew out the match.  
  
Darkness.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
She felt the zombies dive for her, but she ducked and rolled out of their path, and ran through the dark hall for the nearest doorway. She passed through it into a dark hallway, finding a door and quickly opening it and closing it behind her.  
  
She took a moment to catch her breath, then reached around her, hopeful to find a light switch. She found one and flicked the lights on.  
  
Down the hall from her was a very small figure. It looked like a little boy in a sailor uniform.......  
  
........and a sinister looking monster mask.  
  
Rancor cocked her head to the side in curiosity. Who or what was this?  
  
And the boy was holding something behind his back.........  
  
......and he was blocking the door ahead.  
  
"Hey." Rancor called to him, taking a couple steps foreword. "Can you step aside? I need to get through."  
  
"Hee, hee, hee, hee....." The child laughed a creepy, high-pitched laugh.  
  
Rancor shivered a little.....just a little......  
  
.....then the boy pulled out the biggest pair of hedgeclippers she had ever seen.......  
  
SNIP, SNIP!  
  
Rancor's mouth moved slightly to the side in confusion.  
  
Spooky, sure. Threatening......a little.  
  
The little boy began bouncing one foot at a time in Rancor's direction, snapping the hedgeclippers in the air and laughing that creepy laugh.  
  
SNIP, SNIP!  
  
"Hee, hee, hee, hee....."  
  
"You don't scare me, you little punk." Rancor snarled, still shivering. "Just.....back off, alright?"  
  
When he got close enough, the kid closed the hedgeclippers and stabbed foreword. Rancor dodged in time, seeing a part of the door get splintered easily. The boy pulled the clippers out and stabbed for Rancor again. She jumped up, wedging her feet and hands on the corner walls, missing the stab. She jumped on the clippers and pushed the boy aside.  
  
"Quick, little thing." she commented, before bolting for the door across the hall.  
  
SNIP, SNIP!  
  
As she sprinted, she felt a sharp sting on her leg. She stopped running and looked down. Part of her jeans had been torn, and her skin was cut and bleeding. The kid was standing right next to her.  
  
"Very quick."  
  
The kid jumped up, clippers open. Rancor ducked as they snipped where her neck used to be, and ran for the door across the hall. She flung it open and slammed the door behind her. The lights were already on, and she noticed a small chair lying nearby. She picked it up and propped it against the door before dusting off her shoulders.  
  
"It won't stop him, but it'll buy me time. I better arm myself before I go any further. Lesse....."  
  
The hall had two other doors on her right. So, she chose the nearest one.  
  
It was a small living room with only fancy and bulky furniture. No good.  
  
She left that room and entered the other door.  
  
She blinked in surprise.  
  
"Alright! It's an armory!"  
  
Swords, staffs, guns, daggers, spears, axes, and assorted bombs and poisons lined the room. There was also a window, showing nothing but the darkness outside.  
  
As Rancor took two katanas, a thought crossed her.  
  
"Wait a minute.....why play along?! This is a weak form of torture, I'm nowhere near a breaking point. I can just duck out whenever I want."  
  
She smiled at the window, and opened it to climb out.  
  
The darkness outside was blocked by one, giant, flaming eye.  
  
"Er....."  
  
"YOU'RE CHEATING!" Aku's voice boomed angrily, making Rancor covered her ears.  
  
"So what?!" Rancor snapped. "This is lame, the back door is just down the hall."  
  
Aku started to laugh at her.  
  
"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"  
  
Rancor frowned, picking up a machine gun on her way out of the room.  
  
"See ya outside, loser."  
  
Just as she closed the door, the first door exploded open.  
  
SNIP, SNIP!  
  
"Hee, hee, hee, hee!"  
  
Rancor shook her head, and ran down the hall.  
  
"It's just down the hall. This stupidity will be over soon."  
  
The next door took her into a back room.  
  
To her disapointment, there were no other doors......  
  
......just a staircase leading up.  
  
"Oh, I see." Rancor nodded, not sure what was going on. "There IS no back door."  
  
"That's riiiii-iiiiight!" Aku taunted from an unseen spot. "There's only one door in or out. Well, on the first floor anyway."  
  
"What's on the other floors?" Rancor nodded, beginning to assend the stairs.  
  
"More doors, obviously." Aku answered. "And only one leads out."  
  
Rancor frowned.  
  
".....leaving me to drop to my death when I find it. In otherwords, I'm stuck here....."  
  
"Hee, hee. Sort of. You have an hour and thirty minutes left."  
  
"............"  
  
Rancor continued up to the second floor, not sure what to expect. The little twirp with the clippers didn't follow her up........  
  
((Quick author's note: The kid with the clippers is from a survival horror video game you probably haven't heard of. He's Bobby Barrows the Scissorman from the Clock Tower games. He's a psycopathic killer in a child's body, wears an evil looking mask, and kills his victoms with the world's largest pair of hedgeclippers. Just wanted to let you in on the inside joke. Thanks.))  
  
And the second floor just ofered more hallways and doors. Deciding to speed this up a little, and just run down the hall without opening any doors. This turned out to be a mistake, for just as she ran past, ten zombies would run from each door.  
  
"Sheesh....." she sighed, opening the door into the next hall. Just as she slammed it behind her, the doors lining the hallway opened for more zombies.  
  
The hall was blocked off.......  
  
......so Rancor pulled out the machine gun.  
  
"A live Resident Evil game........COOL! If this is torture, lock me up and throw away the key!"  
  
She riddled the zombies before her with bullets, turning them into dust. Rancor frowned in disapointment.  
  
....No blood or gore....awww......  
  
Shrugging, she went foreword. She got through the door and ran down the next hall.  
  
By the time she reached the last door, she became worried. The run down that hall was uneventful. No zombies or kid with the clippers or anything......  
  
She went through the door, and saw the next room. Just like the room downstairs: no door, and a staircase leading up.  
  
However, in front of that staircase was a giant, hulking zombie with a sledgehammer.  
  
Rancor sighed, closing the door behind her.  
  
"Still not much of a torture.....this is just getting annoying....."  
  
The zombie started lumbering towards her, hammer held above his head.  
  
Rancor brought up the machine gun, and emptied all the bullets from it. The zombie stumbled backward, but remained solid.  
  
Rancor kept firing until the gun made loud "click, click, click, click" noises. Afterward, she threw the gun at the zombie's head.  
  
It stumbled a bit, making a very loud and dopey "duuuuuuh" noise. Rancor took the opportunity to run around it and dash up the stairs.  
  
"How's my time?!" she yelled up at the ceiling.  
  
"You're going too fast......" Aku complained. "So, I've shortened the time limit to one hour."  
  
Rancor froze in shock. Then she exploded.  
  
"WHAAAAAAAAT?!"  
  
"You now have five minutes! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"  
  
"Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk......" Rancor muttered as she ran up the stairs to the next floor.  
  
There was not much surprise on the next floor. More and more zombies. And she could hear Sledgehammer trudging behind her.  
  
With the gun no longer in her hands, Rancor made use of the katana and chopped her way through the zombies, making sure any she cut completely turned to dust. She thundered down the halls, chopping away at anything and everything dead.  
  
Finally, Sledgehammer caught up with her. She charged at him with her katana in her hands, swinging. For being so incredibly slow, it was agile, and dodged. Hoping to buy more time, she took off for the last door of the hall.  
  
There it was, the last room! Just like the others with no door and a staircase, only........  
  
....there was no staircase.....but a door!  
  
"Thirty seconds!" Aku called.  
  
Rancor dashed to the door and opened it.........  
  
......true she was three stories up, but the view looked to be a fifty story drop!  
  
"Twenty seconds!"  
  
Sledgehammer came in after her, lumbering foreword with hammer ready.  
  
Rancor quickly came up with a plan, and turned to him. She beckoned to the zombie with her hand to keep coming towards her.  
  
It did, hammer raised.  
  
"Ten seconds! Nine! Eight!"  
  
Rancor then dodged to the side as the zombie stumbled towards the open door and teetered on the edge. Rancor then jumped on his back, making him fall to the ground.  
  
"Seven! Six! Five!"  
  
The ground was coming into view.  
  
"Four! Three!"  
  
They landed, and Sledgehammer exploded into a cloud of dust.  
  
"Two!"  
  
The dust lingered, covering Rancor and masking her fate.  
  
"ONE!"  
  
Aku came into view from the other side of the house, and started laughing.  
  
"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! You're too late, Rancor! And now you're mine! What do you have to say about it?!"  
  
Then, Rancor walked out of the dust cloud, coughing and dusting off.  
  
"I think you need a new torture method." she said inbetween coughs. "I win."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"I landed on three."  
  
"Grrrrr......"  
  
Aku grinded his teeth angrily. Rancor just shook her head, dusting off her hair as she did so.  
  
"Was that the best you can do? You better get busy if you want to win that bet."  
  
Aku made a nasty glaring face at his torturer, then made a thinking face as he went into deep thought.  
  
Meanwhile, Rancor took a seat under a tree and watched the sun come up from the horizon.  
  
The sun was half-way up when the lightbulb went on above Aku's head.  
  
"I GOT IT!" he announced into the sky.  
  
Rancor looked up at him lazily.  
  
"This is gonna be good....."  
  
"Prepare for a more scarier and demented torture, Rancor!"  
  
She stood up and crossed her arms.  
  
"Scarier than a zombie filled house? I doubt it....."  
  
She took Aku's hand again, sucked into his vortex...........  
  
............and was loudly greeted by many wailing babies.  
  
Rancor blinked as she found herself in a daycare, filled with babies no older than a year, and all of them were crying.  
  
It was already grading on her nerves, and she was only there for five seconds.  
  
She heard Aku laughing outside.  
  
She started grinding her teeth.  
  
"Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk......."  
  
((Okay, that's the end of chapter two. Two shorter chapters are after this, and I promise they will be better and funnier than this one. Later! ~Masq)) 


	3. Cats, White Out, And All That Jazz

Flirting With Death - Chapter 3  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Aku waited patiently outside the daycare for Rancor's screams of driven insanity. Even the mighty Aku himself couldn't take hours of screaming babies. If this didn't break in his torturer, he wasn't sure what would.  
  
From morning to noon, Aku waited for the sound of Rancor's voice.  
  
However, all he heard were the babies calming down one by one.  
  
Noon came, and Rancor walked out the front door with a smile on her face, and tossing something in her hand with pride.  
  
Aku frowned at her.  
  
"How is this possible?" he asked. "Why aren't you screaming in agony?"  
  
"Heh." the woman grinned up at her boss. "Well, I just stuck some cotton in my ears to block some of the noise out. And I stuck around until naptime when all of them are fast asleep and quiet." She grinned a little wider. "Oh, I also made some money off it. Minimum wage......that's more than what you pay me."  
  
"You little cheater!" Aku shouted. "How dare you plug your ears!"  
  
"You never said I couldn't." Rancor smirked, still tossing the object in the air.  
  
Aku finally had to ask.  
  
"What is that?"  
  
Rancor caught it in her hand and held it out for the demon to see. It was a tiny, white bottle with a screw-on cap.  
  
"White out." Rancor said simply. "I borrowed some from an office desk. I remembered I ran out of it back in the torture chamber."  
  
Aku frowned. It was of no importance.  
  
He went back to thinking hard. There had to be something in the universe that she couldn't stand.........  
  
Then, it came to him! Of course! How could he have forgotten her ultimate hates!  
  
"I GOT IT!"  
  
"What now?" Rancor sighed, putting the white out in her pocket and holding out her hand.  
  
Aku took her hand and swirled into his vortex.  
  
"It has occured to me that you are allergic to cats, Rancor." he said on the way to the destinantion.  
  
Just as Rancor's eyes widened in shock........  
  
.......she found herself in a household living room filled with many, furry, rambuncious cats of all colors and pedigree.  
  
All it took was one breath, and........  
  
"ATCHOO! ATCHOO! ATCHOO!" Rancor sneezed several times in a row, and her breathing heaved to the point she sounded like she was whistling.  
  
Then, the owner of the house appeared from the kitchen. It was a little, old lady.  
  
"It figures." Rancor moaned before another sneeze.  
  
"Oh, I see Aku-sama has sent me a helper." the woman chuckled. "Well, I can put you to work right away, young lady."  
  
"Work?" Rancor coughed out.  
  
'If I have to clean all their litterboxes, I'll throw in the towel. There is no way in hell.......'  
  
"It's feeding time for all my precious babies." the woman said, picking up one orange cat and petting it. "Just feed all of them, and I'll let you go. I'll even pay you for your trouble."  
  
Rancor heard Aku laughing outside the house, and found that this was her toturous task.  
  
'Doesn't Aku get sore throats from all that laughing?'  
  
"Exactly how many cats do I have to feed?"  
  
"All fifty of them." the woman chuckled. "Well, better hop to it."  
  
Rancor gave one last wheeze before going into the kitchen to get started. Before doing so, she opened the window for some much needed fresh air. Afterward, she was met with Aku's frowning face, which made her groan.  
  
"Cheating?"  
  
"Yes." Aku nodded.  
  
"Listen, it's not toture if I happen to DIE in the process."  
  
"Well, that's not my problem." Aku huffed. "Now get to work before you lose the bet."  
  
Rancor snarled at her as she put her hands on the window to close it.  
  
"I'm saving my worst method for you when I win this, Aku!" she snapped, before slamming the window shut.  
  
Aku laughed again.  
  
"And that won't happen if you happen to be DEAD, Rancor!"  
  
-----------------------  
  
Sadly, Aku waited an hour. Rancor waltzed out the door, counting off several bills in her hand.  
  
"Alright," she congradulated herself, "I'm ten dollars richer." She smiled up at the very displeased Aku. "Hey, do you have any more torture ideas? This is a better way of making money, since you pay me zilch."  
  
"........." Aku just glared daggers, being tempted to using his eye lazers. He wanted to ask how, and Rancor picked up on it.  
  
"I held my breath most of the time, and took breathers in rooms were I found no cats." She inhaled deeply in pride. "Ahhh, smell that fresh air. How does that old lady breathe in there?"  
  
Millions of the foulest, most insulting words zipped through Aku's head and he was fighting back the urge to shout every one of them at his torturer.  
  
"So," Rancor beamed up at Aku, "out of ideas yet?"  
  
"No." he answered calmly. "I came up with another one while you were inside."  
  
"Oh good." Rancor grinned, holding out her hand.  
  
Again she was swept into the vortex and again she found herself in an indoor setting.  
  
She was behind a stage, with a few dancers and musians around her. She also noticed that her clothing has changed. She stared in horror as her tank top, jeans, and boots were replaced by........  
  
"HEY! What's with the flapper girl get-up?!"  
  
Aku appeared next to her in a six-foot tall form so that he would fit.  
  
"I also remembered something about you that you absolutely despise."  
  
"I like Halloween." Rancor frowned. "It's my favorite holiday that you haven't abolished yet."  
  
"Let me finish!" Aku snarled, then he calmly continued. "You seem to hold a specific hatred towards musicals."  
  
"Hmph." Rancor scratched her head. "They're annoying and nothing ever happens."  
  
"Well, you will be performing in one."  
  
"Gaaaah." Rancor growled. "I see. Well, which one is it?"  
  
"Chicago." Aku growled. "And you have the first number."  
  
"Huh?" Rancor rushed to the nearest actor, and took the script from him. She noted the first song performed:  
  
AND ALL THAT JAZZ  
  
"GAAAAAAH!" Rancor growled even louder. "I hate that song!"  
  
"MUA-HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!" Aku laughed at her. "And you have to sing it, or else I win the bet!"  
  
Rancor scowled at Aku very angrily.  
  
"Oh, by the time I'm done with you in my chambers, you'll wish you were DEAD, Aku!"  
  
He blinked at her with a skeptical look.  
  
"You'll do it?"  
  
"It's a small price to pay to hear you scream for mercy." she growled, heading for the stage.  
  
Aku grinned and desguised himself as an audience member to see the act for himself.  
  
-----------------------  
  
Come on babe  
  
Why don't we paint the town?  
  
And all that Jazz.  
  
I'm gonna rouge my knees  
  
And roll my stockings down.....  
  
And all that jazz.  
  
Start the car  
  
I know a whoopee spot  
  
Where the gin is cold  
  
But the piano's hot.  
  
It's just a noisy hall  
  
Where there's a nightly brawl  
  
And all....That.....Jazz  
  
------------------------------  
  
Rancor, back in her normal clothes, walked back behind stage after the entire performance. Aku was there, out of his disguise, with a smirk.  
  
"Well?" he asked.  
  
"Well what?" Rancor asked back. "It wasn't so bad. Actually, it was a little fun."  
  
Aku glared at her, which made her smirk.  
  
"Any more ideas?"  
  
Aku started to frown.  
  
"Well.......I was half-hoping it wouldn't come to this......."  
  
This made Rancor's eyebrows go up in instrest.  
  
All Aku said before pulling her into the vortex was:  
  
"After this, even you will be screaming for it to stop......"  
  
Rancor felt a little worried.....  
  
-------------------------  
  
To be continued! 


	4. And Now, The Grand Finale!

Flirting With Death - Chapter 4  
  
Author's Note: I got a review saying that Aku wasn't potrayed realistically. Thank you very much, Mr. I-Sent-Masquerade-A-Flame-And-I'm- Too-Chicken-To-Put-My-Name-Up, who wasn't flaming me at all. It's true, now that I look at it. Aku wouldn't really waste his time with someone who gave him no respect (with the exception of young children whom he told fractured fairy tales to for some support with no results. Hee hee.). It's probably too late to say this, but Aku is OOC in this story. Hope that covered everything.  
  
P.S. I don't hate Aku. I love the guy, he's one of my favorite villans. I also love poking fun at my favorite villans, which may come off as bashing. It isn't bashing, it's just good clean fun. So there.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Rancor found herself and Aku in an open field. Butter yellow grass that came up to her ankle boots was all around them, along with the occasional fall colored tree.  
  
Nothing looked threatening here.......  
  
"Ah," Rancor sighed, stretching her arms out, "nice and peaceful. Makes me want to go to sleep under a tree and....."  
  
Aku suddenly fired a shot from his eyes, and the beams hit Rancor's arm. She yelped, and covered the burn with her hand.  
  
"HEY! JERK, WHAD'JA DO THAT FOR?!"  
  
Aku turned away from her without a word. She caught a glimpse of a frown as he did.  
  
".......what's going on?"  
  
The pain from the burn ebbed, and she removed her hand to look at it. She blinked at it in surprise. The burn was shaped in an oval, and lines snaked from the top and bottom in the likeness of Aku's horns. Not a natural burn.  
  
She glared at Aku's back.  
  
"Why'd you put your symbol on my arm?! You only do this when........"  
  
".....when I employ a henchmen against his own will." Aku interupted, turning back to her. "Yes, that's right. Which means it is a mark of slavery."  
  
Rancor frowned.  
  
"Hey, wait a minute....."  
  
"I use this in the most extreme of circumstances for this reason:" Aku continued, "once a slave has been marked, and I give them an order........there is no resistance. The slave will do what I command without question or even without a thought." He then grinned. "Oh, the things I can make you do......"  
  
The frown on Rancor's face morphed into a scowl.  
  
"You're kidding! You can give me any order you want, and I'm not going to follow it if I don't wanna. You've got no power over me, Aku. No power at all......"  
  
"Bark like a dog."  
  
Suddenly.....  
  
"Arf! Arf! Arf, arf, arf!"  
  
Rancor's speach became slightly high-pitched barks.  
  
"A big dog." Aku modified.  
  
And....  
  
"Wwwwoof! Wwwwoof!" Her barking went deeper and rougher.  
  
"Sit!"  
  
Rancor positioned herself so she was sitting on her rear with her arms supporting her up.  
  
"Beg!"  
  
Rancor raised her hands up to her chin.  
  
"Roll over!"  
  
Rancor rolled on her side, and went back into the begging position.  
  
"Good dog!"  
  
"Woof!"  
  
"No doggie treat."  
  
Rancor whimpered sadly.  
  
Aku couldn't hold it in anymore. He laughed loud and hard.  
  
"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"  
  
Rancor then blinked a couple times and stood up in outrage!  
  
"HEY! YOU MORON! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU........"  
  
"SILENCE!" Aku ordered.  
  
"..............." Rancor found she suddenly couldn't talk. So, she glared at the demon who was beaming proudly.  
  
"Hee, hee, hee. You see? Any and every command will be obeyed whether you like it or not. And I can do more to you then make you think you're an animal."  
  
"Oh.......you're dead." Rancor growled. "So, very dead.... If you think I'm going to stand for this......"  
  
"BOW BEFORE ME!"  
  
Rancor found herself on her knees.  
  
"WORSHIP ME!"  
  
"Oh, great and mighty Aku! You are the morning and evening star! Your word is law! Your evil is law!"  
  
"Much better. Exactly what I expected of you, Rancor."  
  
She quickly got up as soon as it was over, then started beating herself in the head furiously with her fists.  
  
"No, no, no, no, no! How could I say things like that?! Impure thoughts, impure thoughts, impure thoughts......."  
  
But Aku didn't stop there.  
  
"See that tree?" he pointed at the nearest tree in the area.  
  
"Oh no...." Rancor groaned.  
  
"Knock it down with your head!"  
  
Rancor found herself speeding towards it like a bull charging the madador, and......  
  
BOOM!  
  
Her head collided with the thick trunk, and the recoil sent her tumbling backwards.  
  
"Hee, hee, hee, hee." Aku laughed lightly at her. "You didn't knock it down.....and I want to see it topple over from your head alone!"  
  
Rancor then found herself back on her feet, despite her vision swiming before her, and charging once again for the tree.  
  
Aku watched her smash her head into the tree over and over.  
  
"That should teach you to make such bets with the great Aku! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA....."  
  
----------------------------  
  
Half an hour later, the tree was finally uprooted and a dazed Rancor was on the ground. The worst headache to hit mankind was throbbing in her head, and her vision was a complete blur. It was slowly coming into focus, but not fast enough.  
  
"ON YOUR FEET!" Aku shouted at her. She stumbled to a stand in an instant, but quickly fell over on her face. She got back up a little more slowly.  
  
Her sight must have been coming back. She could see a large black figure infront of her that was most likely Aku......  
  
"What else could I do to you?" he wondered to himself. "Maybe I can have you knock down all the trees here....."  
  
Rancor groaned. She couldn't see them, but she remembered seeing a good number of them. Make that a bad number, if she was going to knock them down with her head.  
  
Aku turned away from her to think.  
  
"Hmmm.....I could have you worship me until you drop...." he thought. "Maybe I could have you journey through the most disgusting strip of land on Earth...... Maybe I could send you to a far away planet....."  
  
Rancor wiped her sweaty and aching forehead with her marked arm. This was getting more and more miserable.  
  
Then, she felt something thick on her forehead as she took her arm away. It felt like paint..... She wiped her hand on her face and looked at it. It was covered in something like black paint. She blinked then looked at her arm. The "burn" was smudged by her sweat.....  
  
She frowned. Aku tricked her! He made her think he burned a slavery mark on her arm.  
  
She furiously wiped the mark off her arm, surprised to see Aku still coming up with ideas.  
  
'I've got an idea of my own.' she thought as she took the white out bottle out of her pocket.  
  
---------------------------  
  
"I'VE GOT IT!" Aku announced, five mintues later. "I can have you destroy Samurai Jack! Of course!"  
  
Just as he was getting pleased with his idea he came up with a better one.  
  
"No, wait! I can make you ADMIT DEFEAT! I can make you say you lost the bet, and I am the winner! BWA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"  
  
He turned to Rancor, pointing a commanding claw at her.  
  
"So, ADMIT DEFEAT, RANCOR!"  
  
But he found she was no longer there.  
  
"Wha....."  
  
He felt something funny on his other arm, and looked. He saw Rancor, sitting comfortably in his elbow joint, finishing up a smiley face on his arm with the white out.  
  
"What is this?!" he growled. She grinned at him over her shoulder.  
  
"Now I've marked you, and now you're my slave." she said.  
  
"Oh?" Aku raised his flaming eyebrows. "Really?"  
  
As Rancor nodded, Aku glared.  
  
"FOOL! Admit you lost the bet, slave!"  
  
Rancor showed her arm to Aku, the arm with the rubbed off mark.  
  
"No. I don't feel like it."  
  
"What in......"  
  
Rancor slid down Aku's arm and hopped back down to the ground as she continued.  
  
"And now that you're my slave, you have to do what I want."  
  
"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!" Aku laughed. "Fool. You honestly believe the powerful and all commanding Aku would do whatever you say?! This is no slave marking. It is not possible for you to control me....."  
  
"Bark like a dog."  
  
Unbelievably......  
  
"Bark! Bark! Bark!" Aku's speach became slight bark.  
  
Rancor grinned.  
  
"A little dog."  
  
"Yip, yip, yip!" Aku's voice didn't change much. So, Rancor got another idea.  
  
"Turn into a little dog!"  
  
Aku mushed himself to do just that, and he was instantly a little beagle.  
  
"Yip, yip, yip!" he continued in the appropriate voice.  
  
"Sit up." she commaded, and Aku did so. "Lie down, roll over, play dead...good boy!"  
  
"Yip!"  
  
Rancor couldn't take it, she fell over and laughed so hard.  
  
This snapped Aku out of his trance, and he angrily shape shifted back and stood fifty feet tall in front of Rancor.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU DECIEVE THE MIGHTY AKU!"  
  
"Heh." Rancor grinned. "I haven't even started yet."  
  
"Perhaps I can mark you for real......" Aku threatened, his eyes glowing.  
  
"Turn into a kitten."  
  
Aku then found himself as a fluffy black kitten, and his eye beams were canceled out. Rancor grinned at him.  
  
"Hee, hee. That's a cute look for you. Oh, I got a better one."  
  
"Blah!" Aku snarled, turning into a vicious looking cobra. Not worried at all, Rancor shook her head.  
  
"Turn into a teddy bear."  
  
He suddenly turned into a life-sized teddy bear.  
  
Naturally, Rancor laughed at him. Aku was annoyed enough, and then he heard clicking and saw the flash of bulbs. He turned to see several of his henchmen with cameras taking pictures of him.  
  
Rancor just laughed harder.  
  
Could Aku be any more angrier? Maybe......  
  
"YOU'RE ALL FIRED!" he shouted at the henchmen. "GET OUT OF HERE!"  
  
They all scampered away as Rancor calmed down and Aku changed back to normal.  
  
"Rancor, you will get the punnishment of your life."  
  
She grinned at him.  
  
"That would involve firing me, and I know you won't. You need me, Aku, that's why you've put up with me for so long."  
  
"..........."  
  
"Well, I lasted through that torture easily enough. And I'm not scared of being marked for real. So, any more tricks?"  
  
Aku hesitated.  
  
"Any more ideas?"  
  
He hesitated some more.  
  
Rancor grinned wider.  
  
"So, you've given up?"  
  
"I......" Aku began.  
  
Rancor shook her head.  
  
"I can read you like a book, man." Her grin turned more evil. "This bet is mine."  
  
-----------------------  
  
The next day, Aku was nowhere to be found in his own tower. This was because, as some figured out, he was at the very bottom of the tower.......  
  
......in the torture chambers.  
  
Three curious henchmen traveled down there to find their master. Among the sights in the chamber was a burnt out Demongo hanging by his wrists on a wall rack. He seemed almost lifeless; he didn't even bother to move.  
  
Before the henchmen could ask Demongo anything (not that the poor guy would answer), Rancor appeared from a hallway to a connecting chamber.  
  
"Hi, boys." she greeted. "Failed to defeat Samurai Jack too?"  
  
"Oh, no." Henchman #1 shook his head. "We were just wondering....."  
  
".....what have you done with Aku-sama?" Henchman #2 demanded.  
  
"Yeah." Henchman #3 chimed in. "You haven't hurt him, have you?"  
  
"I wish I could." Rancor sighed. "Anything with the ability to hurt a human being does nothing to him. The damage heals right up. The only thing that could give the man so much as a papercut is Jack's sword. So...." She shrugged, "physical torture is out of the question. Your shogun of sorrow is just fine."  
  
"Then what are you doing to him?" Henchman #2 continued to demand.  
  
As if he was overhearing from the other chamber.....  
  
"NOOOOOO! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! AAAAAAAA!"  
  
Rancor grinned.  
  
"Mental torture. Wanna see?"  
  
The three henchmen followed her into the connecting chamber, and she made them watch from outside. Aku was strapped to a chair, eyes forced to stay open with metal clippers, and he was watching something on a TV screen. Something that was driving him to the brink of madness.  
  
He was oddly quiet.  
  
"Uh......dare I ask?" enquired Henchman #1.  
  
"What? What he's watching?" Rancor asked. "Guess."  
  
Aku suddenly screamed again.  
  
"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
"It's a horror movie!" Henchman #1 guessed.  
  
"It's a bad movie!" Henchman #2 guessed.  
  
"It's all the episodes of Samurai Jack with no Aku in it!" Henchman #3 guessed.  
  
"Wrong, wrong, and wrong." Rancor shook her head. "It's the Teletubbies."  
  
All three henchmen turned pale.  
  
"Yep." Rancor smiled. "And he's been on that for 24/7."  
  
All three henchmen shivered, while Rancor looked at her watch.  
  
"And he's got another five minutes to go before I let him out. Then you'll have your Aku-sama back and he'll be perfectly fine. So, let's go and have him suffer for a while longer."  
  
"I hope he'll be perfectly fine......" Henchman #3 sighed as Rancor led them all away.  
  
She smiled to herself as she waved them off.  
  
"Well," she said to herself, "today was rather productive. I showed Aku who's boss, and he's paying the price."  
  
She smiled as Aku screamed out again.  
  
"Oh, yes." she reminded herself. "I also have a new favorite song."  
  
As she closed the door she sang a little to herself......  
  
-----------------  
  
No, I'm no one's wife  
  
But, I love my life  
  
And all.....  
  
That.....  
  
Jazz!  
  
That jazz!  
  
-----------------  
  
The End 


End file.
